Do or Do Not, There is no Try (Gasp!)

The Power of Self-Efficacy

True Q – S6E6

Self-efficacy! WTF is that! And why would I read this? Trust me. This is about the power of you. Here's how it rolls out:

Amanda Rogers, a young adult comes on board the Enterprise. It becomes apparent she has telekinetic powers, making objects appear and disappear. Q appears and informs the Captain that he created the warp core breach to determine if ‘the girl’ was Q. Apparently she was because she stopped the breach. Q answers Amanda’s questions about what they (Q) can do: “To put it simply, we’re omnipotent. There’s nothing, nothing we can’t do.” Amanda asks, “And what do you do with this power?” Q responds smugly with, “Anything. We. Want.”

He asks her what she would like to see and then tells her how to go about it. Amanda says, “I’d like to know what my parents look like.” Q tells her how to do it: “So do it. Summon the image. Think about them. Evoke the memory. You can do it, Amanda. Trust me. Close your eyes. Close your eyes. In your mind, return to the time when you were an infant. Think about your parents. Remember them. Good. Good. Now, open your eyes.” She sees her parents in front of her holding a baby and realizes with joy and what appears as resolution that they loved her.

Q gives us clues as to how to create intentions that yield results – image, memory, and focus. Even quantum physics tells us that what we think is what we get. There is enough science out there to prove to us that these things make a difference. I’m not talking about hocus-pocus stuff. I’m talking about hard science. Dr Bruce Lipton (2005), a cell biologist discovered that a cell’s life is controlled by its environment, not its genes. Further, he recognized that beliefs had an effect on cells in humans. Hence my statement, “What you think is what you get!”

Q and the Continuum represent the archetype of our personal power. In psychology, we call it self-efficacy. According to Bandura (1994), a psychologist known for his research in self-efficacy, it is “the belief in one’s capabilities to organize and execute the courses of action required to manage prospective situations.” It is knowing that you have the ability to accomplish what you set out to do.

Maybe that's one reason we like technology and gaming, because we can change things. We create alter egos through our personal avatars and influence others in MMORPG’s. We get really good at gaming. Why? Because we have just enough accomplishment to create a sense of self-efficacy. This motivates us to continue. We are going for the hit. We persevere. We get creative. We are motivated.

This is a transferrable skill that we don’t fully utilize. We sometimes pre-judge the possibility of success before we even start. For example, “Well, there’s no sense in applying to BCIT for the Computer Science degree because they probably won’t let me in.” Or “The Medieval Blacksmithing Course if full, so there’s no sense in getting on the waiting list.” I also notice what happens when we let ourselves throw all these pre-judgments aside and ‘just do it’. Portals to new worlds open.

Amanda says to Dr. Crusher, “If it were you, if suddenly you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?”And later, Q says to Amanda, “Your future contains wonders you can’t even imagine. The universe could be your playground.” What if you framed your life with these statements as a foundation for your actions. When I think of the universe as being my playground, I feel energized and experience a sense of self-efficacy and motivation. I'm 'good to go'.

As a vision and possibility coach, I have watched empowerment and results skyrocket with this framework. I would love to be a personal coach just for geeks. They have so much to offer, yet sometimes, their gifts seem to be stuck or hidden under a garment absent of self-efficacy.

Toward the end, Amanda resolves her struggle and resistance with, “Ever since I got here, I’ve been fighting this. I’ve been denying the truth. Denying what I am. I am Q.” 

I think this is an excellent model for us. To accept ourselves as we are. And to go for what we want. To develop who we are. What parts of you have you been resisting? Resistance is futile. You can do and be anything you want. Engage!

References

Bandura, A. (1994). Self-efficacy. In V. S. Ramachaudran (Ed.), Encyclopedia of human behavior, 4. New York: Academic Press, pp. 71-81.

Lipton, Bruce (2005). The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter and Miracles. Santa Rosa, CA: Mountain of Love/Elite.

I See Patterns!

The Neuroscience of Rumination

Legacy  - S4E6

A bit of background: In this episode we encounter Ishara, the sister of Tasha Yar, the Enterprise security officer who was killed in the line of duty. Missed by many of the crew, they quickly transfer some of their feelings of affection for Tasha to Ishara. After another federation ship lands on Ishara’s planet to escape a warp core breach, she agrees to help the Enterprise rescue the crew members that were taken hostage by a warring faction on her planet.

At the beginning of the episode, Ishara is curious about Data’s ability to experience friendship. He says, “even among humans, friendship is sometimes less an emotional response and more a sense of familiarity…As I experience certain sensory input patterns, my mental pathways become accustomed to them. The input is eventually anticipated. And even missed when absent.” Ishara responds, “Like my sister.”

What appears to be a discussion about friendship is really an explanation of Data’s patterns. Neurologically, it is the same with us.  In 1959 Donald Hebb, a Canadian psychologist described how learning links neurons in new ways. From this neuro-scientist, Carla Shatz coined the memetic phrase “neurons that fire together, wire together” (Doidge, 2007). In the movie What the Bleep do we Know, there is an excellent portrayal of how this works. The brain cells known as neurons have branches known as dentrites that align with the branches of other neurons with a space in between called a synapse. These dendrites ‘fire’ electro-chemical messages to another dendrite across the synapse. It shows how these neurons move and align with other neurons to create repeated firing as we repeatedly think the same thoughts or perform the same actions,  such as in being with a friend on a regular basis. When the regularity of friendship is removed, the result is that we miss them. The wiring is anticipating them but they are gone.

These patterns can be pleasant or unpleasant. One form of an unpleasant pattern is rumination. You know like when someone pisses you off and you have this internal dialogue with the other person over and over. Or when you feel threatened about something, and you keep having the same repeated thoughts, talking to yourself to explain it or change the way you feel about it, but nothing changes. Rumination. Yuk!

As geeks, we often obsess. Maybe you are wondering how to address the fight you had with your girlfriend last night. May you can’t turn off the tap of thoughts about how to ask that girl out in your chemistry class. Maybe you make a hundred different ways to tell someone that you want to end the relationship, but you don’t want to hurt her feelings. What else do you obsess about? I bet you want to stop. But how?

The answer involves neuroplasticity. Patterns can be changed. What wires together can be unwired.

Want to know a neat trick from the field of psychology? When you find yourself ruminating, say, “Stop.” Yeah. Yeah. I know. Sounds too simple, doesn’t it? Well, it isnt. And, it’s effective. The thoughts may be back a few seconds later. So you do it again. And again. 

Research shows that rumination feeds anxiety and depression. It has been my personal experience that repeated use of this “Stop!” method has the desired effect. Better than throwing a can of gasoline on the already flaming thoughts. The rumination becomes less frequent and less intense.You can create new wiring! Patternus interruptus successful!

At the end of this episode, Data describes to Riker what comes close to our human counterpart of rumination: “Recent events have left me puzzled, Sir. It has been days since Ishara left. And yet my thoughts seem to dwell on her. Almost as if I was experiencing a feedback loop in my pneumonic network.” This loop is a brilliant representation of what we experience as humans when we chew the thought cud. So, if you have a “feedback loop” you can use this wiring and unwiring knowledge to ‘end the program’. Just say, “Stop!”

References

Doidge, N. (2007). The brain that changes itself: Stories of personal triumph from the frontiers of brain science. New York: Viking.­­

The Communicator is Broken!

Family Conflict and Resolution
Homeward – S7E13

Although this episode is about rescuing a people from a dying planet and wresting with the prime directive, it is also about navigating the challenges in relationship. In this case the challenge is between Worf and his brother. Worf’s brother is the leader of the Boraalan tribe on the dying planet and is determined to lead them to safety in a subversive way that involves the Enterprise whether they like it or not. Worf is assigned the task of going down to the planet to respond to the distress call. As he is surgically altered to look like a Boraalan, he has a dialogue with Dr. Crusher. She asks about his brother. Worf responds with, “We are brothers.” (sigh), that tone that signifies challenges. It is his foster brother. He describes them as having many disagreements growing up. His brother has a mind of his own, but can’t follow rules. He also balances it with, “But he has many fine qualities. He’s brilliant, persuasive, a natural leader.”

Nikolai (Worf's foster brother) beams up to the ship to request that the Captain creates a biosphere for the dying planet in order to rescue one of the small tribes with whom he lives. Picard informs him that he cannot help him as the prime directive was designed to ensure non-interference.

The Conflict

After we watch the atmosphere of the planet disappear and destroy a civilization Worf tracks a power drain to Holodeck 5 only to find that his brother has transported all of the tribe onto the holodeck which he has set to conform to the physical characteristics on the planet. Worf is furious. Nikolai responds with, “I’ve done what you have refused to do. I’ve saved them.” I wasn’t going to let those people die just because your Captain started quoting Federation dogma to me.”

Worf: Your duty was to respect the Captain’s orders and uphold the prime directive. 

Nikolai: Duty. That’s all that really matters to you, isn’t it? Well, I refuse to be bound by an abstraction. The lives of the people of Boraal are far more important to me. You worry too much, Worf. You always did. Everything will work out.

Worf: You have disgraced yourself. And you have disgraced me. I want nothing more to do with you.

In the next scene, we find Nikolai convincing the Captain to look for an M class planet for the tribe. 

What can the Captain do? He is left with little choice. To make matters worse, they have trouble keeping the holodeck simulation stable so that the Boraalans do not know that they are on a star ship. Meanwhile, the Captain orders Worf to stay with and monitor Nikolai on the holodeck since he has already caused enough trouble. Worf resists but obeys orders. Worf explains the intermittent malfunction of the holodeck to the tribe as a good omen. Nikolai says, “Apparently, we’re not such a bad team after all.” Worf responds emphatically with, “We are not a team. I am here because Captain Picard ordered me here!”

They start to bicker more heatedly.

Nikolai: Worf, don’t we both share the same goal? Aren’t we both trying to make this plan work?

Worf: Only because you forced us into it. 

Nikolai: I’m not ashamed of what I did. I’m not sorry I saved their lives.

Worf: You have not changed. You still expect people to solve the problems you create.

Nikolai: I’m not here to work out the issues of our childhood. I’m here to save a people who I care about. And, if that upsets you, then so be it.

Nikolai walks away. Worf looks troubled.

Worf: Everywhere you go, you create chaos. How many times did our parents lie awake at night wondering what kind of trouble you were in.

Nikolai: (Sarcastically) Oh! If only I could have been like you! Worf. The perfect son! 

Worf: I was not perfect. But I was not wild and disobedient!

Nikolai: Of course not. You were too busy doing your duty.

Worf: I would rather be accused of that than making our mother weep. But I see it is clear you have no intention of changing. I see no reason to discuss it further.

Then Nikolai’s mate reveals to Worf that she is carrying Nikolai’s child. Worf is outraged.

Worf to Nikolai: How could you have mated with a Boraalan?! What were you thinking?!

Nikolai: I don’t owe you an explanation. 

Worf: As usual, you are only thinking of yourself.

Nikolai: And, as usual, you are here to point out the error of my ways.

Worf: You have treated [her] with dishonor!

Nikolai: I have not! I love her and we’re going to raise our child together.

Worf: (Shouting) That is not possible. I cannot allow you to remain here.

Nikolai: You will have to kill me first!

(Both getting ready to fight physically, fists drawn back, ready to punch). At this point, the holodeck malfunctions again and their attention is diverted to the malfunction.

The Resolution

Worf: I do not want to fight you, Nikolai. 

Nikolai: Things were never easy between us, were they? (looking sad) It’s my fault. If I’d been more like you, we wouldn’t have had so many problems.

Worf: No. If you had been more like me, these people would not be here now. You gave them a chance at a new life.

Nikolai: And I intend to share that life with them. The village will need a new chronicle. Someone will have to begin it. My child will need a father. My place is here. I’m finally taking responsibility. 

Worf: (Smiling). You were never good at drawing. How will you keep a chronicle? 

Nikolai: I learn quickly.

Worf: Then perhaps there is hope.

Worf takes the initiative to give his brother a manly hug. His brother hugs him back. They are both smiling.

What has changed?

In the last scene between Worf and his brother, Nikolai takes responsibility for the effects of his nature causing problems. Worf points out that those very qualities are what saved a tribe of people. Nikolai assets that he is taking responsibility by assuming the role of chronicler, staying with them, and raising a family. Worf expresses a bit of humour at Nikolai taking the role of chronicler when he can’t draw very well. Nikolai expresses his ability to learn quickly and Worf, in return, expresses hope.

I see the qualities of good communication in the last dialogue between Worf and Nikolai. Each of them acknowledge ‘what is’, take responsibility for their own actions and acknowledge the honorable qualities in the other, three elements involved in successful communication and resolution (Rosenberg, 1999).

Reference

Rosenberg, M. B. (1999). Nonviolent communication: A language of compassion. Del Mar, CA: PuddleDancer Press.

Be Here Now

Savoring the moment

The Game -- S5E6

About six minutes into the episode, there is a perfect example of savoring. Why is this so important? Savoring is the process by which we are completely in the moment (mindfulness) and stretch a moment to enjoy it longer. The Positive Psychology research suggests that, when we practice savoring in our lives, we create the benefit of more happiness and less depression (Lyubomirsky, 2007). It has more benefit than what we may think. Savoring on a daily basis creates an accumulation of positive emotional experiences which contributes to higher mental acuity, stronger immune systems, and increased creativity (Fredrickson, 2000). Who knew? Savoring is described as “any thoughts or behaviors capable of generating, intensifying, and prolonging enjoyment” (Lyubomirsky, 2007, p. 191). It is an important part of what creates happy human beings and Star Trek did a wonderful job portraying savoring in this example: 

Counsellor Troi is in ten forward just sitting down to start eating a decadent chocolate-layered dessert. Riker joins her and comments on her extravagant treat. Troi says, “It’s not just a matter of taste. It’s the whole experience. First of all, you have to spoon the fudge around the rim leaving only the ice cream in the middle. Then, you gently spoon the ice cream around the sides like you’re sculpting it. Relish every bite. Make every one an event. And then, with the last scoopful, close your eyes. (Here, they show a close up of Troi’s face with her eyes closed, slowly putting one spoon of the dessert in her mouth and a large smile slowly spreads across her face. Riker says, “I had no idea it was such a ritual.” Troi responds with, “Chocolate is a serious thing.”

Savoring is one of the main ‘positive psychology interventions’ (PPI) in the literature. It has much research behind it as a way of increasing happiness. It’s a way all of us can keep the bogeyman of pessimism at bay as well as increase our enjoyment of life. 

Fredrickson, B. L., & Losada, M. F. (2005). Positive affect and the complex dynamics of human flourishing. American Psychologist, 60(7), 678.

Lyubomirsky, S. (2007). The how of happiness: A new approach to getting the life you want. New York: Penguin Books.

World of Warcrack

The Neuropsychology of Pleasure and Addiction
The Game – S5E6

The Neuro Dance Trance Begins...

Now who doesn't want pleasure. It's one of the necessities of life. However, when it interferes with other parts, it's worth looking at more closely. The writers in this episode create a very clever approach at some of the consequences of a game brought on board by Riker from the planet, Risa. The game involves a headset that has an optical wand in front of each eye. A holographic image of discs and funnels is presented to the player and when the player gets a disc to go into the funnel, they are rewarded with a release of serotonin. It is so rewarding that everyone starts playing it and the whole ship goes into a kind of a trance. 

Wesley, visiting the Enterprise while on vacation from Starfleet Academy, meets Robin in engineering, also around his own age, and together, they start looking into this phenomenon. They load the game into a sensor computer system that reports the process that occurs in the human brain. Here’s what they say: “I’ve loaded the neurological behavior program. It’s activating the reticular formation (a network of neurons in the brainstem). There’s heavy synaptic (electrochemical signals from one nerve cell or neuron to another) activity all over the place. I wonder what happens after prolonged exposure? The effects seem centered around the frontal lobe. It’s stimulating the septal area. That’s the pleasure centre of the brain. Whatever this thing does, it must feel pretty good. No wonder it’s so popular. Look at this. Serotonin (a neurotransmitter that contributes to feelings of well-being) levels are way off. Let’s run a neuro-chemical analysis. I’m seeing widespread bonding to neuro-receptors (a process that occurs in addiction). Correct me if I’m wrong, but this looks like a psychotropic reaction. Are you saying you think the game’s addictive? What’s going on in the prefrontal cortex? Doesn’t that area control higher reasoning? Yeah. It sure does. I better go talk to the Captain.”

So, aside from my explanations in brackets above, this dialogue gives us some 101 education in brain anatomy and function. It tells us that the septal area of the brain is involved in registering pleasure and the prefrontal cortex is responsible for higher reasoning. They leave it up to us to know some of the other terms like synaptic activity, serotonin and psychotropic. And they imply that higher reasoning is dampened with the addictive qualities of the game.

This account of the trance-like quality of the game, the excess of serotonin in the brain, the increased drive for pleasure and decreased functioning of high reasoning are all elements of addiction, whether its games, alcohol, drugs, relationships, sex, exercise, eating, not eating, or other forms of addiction. All of these things can be normal and required in our lives. It is when we can't stop doing them in an excess that interferes with other normal functioning that it becomes what is considered psychopathology. The brain functions of reasoning and feeling become at odds here.

Leveling Up

One of my friends said to me that he had lost two years of his life to World of Warcraft. He referred to it as “Warcrack.” So, when we recognize that we are missing out on other parts of our lives due to an addiction, what can we do about it? How do we level up?

I believe that addiction just starts out as a way of obtaining pleasure and evading uncomfortable emotions. And we need both. But when something like gaming becomes an escape because we don't have the emotional resiliency to deal with the everyday challenges and adversities of life, we need a new approach.

So what is the key to moving to the next level. One of the keys to creating freedom of choice is to observe our emotions with an inquiring mind much like Data does, and to be able to sit with our uncomfortable emotions, building emotional muscle if you will. If we can build impulse control (and we can) by being the observer rather than the reactor, we can see what the impulse is asking for, we can interrupt the habitual pattern set up in our brain, and find other ways to get our very normal human needs met.

Patternus Interruptus

Later in the episode, Data comes to the bridge and flashes an intermittent light with a palm beacon that seems to ‘break the spell’ of the game.

See? The writers have it right. Interruption is the trick. Neuroscience shows that when we interrupt the firing of the neurons of a particular pattern we weaken the wiring of that pattern. Freedom from addiction lies at the heart of this concept. It's the same concept as changing a habit. They are not that different. Maybe the intensity of addiction is stronger than habit but the strategy of changing it is the same.

This episode was an excellent portrayal of the concepts involved in pleasure tipping into addiction, the neuroscience behind it, and the interruption strategy necessary to change it.

Is there anything in this episode that is helpful to you for changing a habit, pattern, or addiction? Change the name, change the frame.

Emotional Tribbles for Data

How to Describe an Emotion

Descent – S6E26

In this episode the Borg attack the Federation, but this time they’re acting as individuals rather than a collective. Data experiences his first emotions while fighting them. Since studying and writing about emotions is my specialty, I will not attempt any summary of the episode, and, instead, comment on the dialogue that focuses on emotion.

This episode opens up with Data playing poker with Stephen Hawking playing himself, Isaac Newton, and Einstein. The scene portrays the personalities of each of the characters; Stephen as amiable, Isaac as an arrogant boor, and Einstein also as amiable. The point of playing, as Data says, was, “When I play poker with my shipmates, it often appears to be a useful forum for exploring the different facets of humanity. I was curious to see how three of history’s greatest minds would interact in this setting. So far, it is proved to be most illuminating.”

The next scene shows the Enterprise being attacked by the Borg. In defending themselves from the Borg attack, Data, with his hand around the neck of one of the Borg, repeatedly says, “Stop it.” and is scowling. Shortly thereafter, we see his closed fist slowly releasing and Riker says, “Data, are you alright?” Data responds with a yes, sir. Riker asks: “What happened?” Data says with a confused look on his face, “I got angry.” He asks to be relieved of duty. In the next scene Data and Geordi attempt to describe emotions.

Data: I believe I’ve experienced my first emotion.

Geordi: No offense, Data, but how would you know a flash of anger from some odd kind of power surge.

Data: You are correct in that I have no frame of reference to confirm my hypothesis. In fact, I am unable to provide a verbal description of the experience. Perhaps you could describe how it feels to be angry. I could then use that as a reference.

Geordi attempting to describe anger: When I feel angry, first I uh first I feel hostile.

Data: Could you describe feeling hostile?

Geordi: Yeah, it’s like feeling belligerent, combative.

Data: Could you describe feeling angry without referring to other feelings?

Geordi (faltering): No. I guess I can’t. I just (sic) feel angry.

Data: That was my experience as well. I simply felt angry.

This dialogue portrays that we (human beings, as well as emotional androids) just ‘know’ what our feelings are even though we may not always be able to describe them.

Sensations and Interpretations

In another scene with Counsellor Troi, Data explores trying to experience emotion at will. He chooses everything but anger. Troi asks why.

Data: Anger is a negative emotion. I wanted to concentrate on something more positive.

Troi: Data, feelings aren’t positive and negative. They simply exist. It’s what we do with those feelings that becomes good or bad. For example, feeling angry about an injustice could lead someone to take a positive action to correct it.

This is a concept that most of us have difficulty with, including me. Feelings aren’t positive and negative? A distinction here: The experience of emotions may be pleasant or unpleasant and the judgment of feelings may be positive or negative. What I have discovered is that experiencing a basic emotion can be pleasant (joy) or unpleasant (anxiety). How we judge ourselves in light of having an emotion is another matter. 

Both pleasant and unpleasant emotions give us information that is useful to guide us in making decisions. They tell us what we need or want, what to move towards or away from, what our values are, what gives us meaning, about how we perceive ourselves or others, and understanding our beliefs about life. Emotions 'drive the bus' or the Enterprise or our body. We can let them drive us without being conscious or we can develop recognition of the information they contain. Understanding the messages in emotions and acting on them appropriately is described in my first book (Vanderpol, 2005). According to a neuroscientist, Candace Pert, emotions are chemical messengers of information (Pert, 1997).

Rumi says, Let yourselves be quietly drawn by the deeper pull of what you truly love. How would you know what you truly love? Why, emotions, of course! When something excites you or inspires you, when it is a pleasant feeling, that would be a clue that you are headed in the direction of your calling, your gifts, your talents, and what gives you purpose and meaning, what you value. And I agree with
Troi. It’s what we do with those feeling that becomes good or bad. How we act on our emotions have consequences that help or harm you.

Decoding the Message

Data and Troi continue...

Data continues: But my study of humanity indicates there are some emotions that are harmful, such as jealousy or hatred.

Troi: Those are very strong emotions and you’re right. Very little good can come from them. But I don’t think that an exploration of anger need necessarily to hatred or malice.

All emotions have a function. Emotions in their pure form are messages, signals. Anger signals boundary violation. Fear signals danger, psychological or physical. Sadness signals loss. Joy signals fulfillment. All emotions have valuable information.

I disagree with Troi that very little good can come from jealousy. My personal experience of jealousy that I didn’t listen to in my marriage revealed longstanding infidelity. I had a feeling but couldn’t believe it of him and doubted me, so I ignored it. A decade of my life and health went down the tubes. I could have been writing this book! It was a message that said Listen. Something is not right here. Protect yourself. I paid a high emotional cost for not listening.

However, jealousy (and its close cousin envy) can also be a message of low self-regard breeding insecurity and thinking that the 'other' doesn't think you're good enough and you will lose them. In that case, the message may be saying that you do not own your inherent worth and your good qualities. And envy may be telling you that you are not following your calling. I think that much good can come from jealousy and envy if we decode the message. And this leads right into the next part of Data's curiosity about emotions.

Data continues, But what if it does, Counsellor? What if those are the only emotions I am capable of experiencing? Would that not make me a bad person?

Ah, here we are again. At the crux of the matter. I think this is where we shy away from looking at ourselves and what our emotions are telling us. If they provide information about ourselves that we don’t like, or that they make us feel like a bad person, this is where denial sets in. Here is where removing self-judgment and replacing it with self-compassion allows us to look more honestly at ourselves. A practice worth well, um, practicing, especially to counteract cultural messages of harsh judgment and shame if we are not 'a certain way'.

What if we operated on the premise that we are all noble human beings just growing into our nobility? Our growth and nobility begin with embracing who we are as we are right now with compassion and kindness.

The Geek Emotional Code

But aren't we geeks supposed to be cool? Doesn't that mean we're not supposed to show emotions, or maybe even have them? That we're detached, that we can handle it all? Bullshit. We're human. We have emotions. We may push them away to look cool, to remain true to our logical nature. But we're missing half the picture. Okay. So, here's the vision. What if the geek emotional culture said we're bright, quick, logical AND integrated. Whatever emotions we have, we allow ourselves to have them, listen to the information they have for us, and express that in who we are. Would you be willing to use feeling words in your vocabulary. On my website (www.johannavanderpol.com) I compiled a list of more than 400 feeling words. What if we used them?

What if it was cool in our culture to have a geeknacular that included the recognition and expression of emotions, straight up, the other half of who we are? It is a culture change, I grant you that. But I think we would be way cooler if we could honor more fully this important part of what makes us human. There is much creativity, innovation, and deeper connections to be had with our fellow geeks and other humans as we expand into our emotional nature.

I wonder, what are the things that hold us back? What are the things that hold you back? These are the questions, that, onced aired, open the pathway to moving forward. Please post your comments to this question at the bottom of this post. I am curious.

Your Emotional Nemisis (mohaha)

And another morsel of worth:

Data: When I think back on the incident, I realize that I was also experiencing another sensation. It was not the same as anger. But I think it was an emotion.

Troi: When exactly did you feel this other emotion?

Data: It was just after I had killed the Borg. I looked down at his body. I felt something.

Troi: If you had to give this feeling a name, what would you call it?

Data: I believe it was (sic) pleasure. (du, du, dum music).

When have you felt pleasure at causing pain to another because of what they had done to you? What does it do to you when you see that in yourself? How do you feel about yourself? Personally, I have seen this quality in myself and I don’t like it. I used to feel ashamed, but now that I am more compassionate with myself these days, I look at it as information. I still feel uncomfortable that I want to cause another human being pain, when they have caused me pain, because it is in conflict with my principle of wanting the best for others. I want to think of myself as more enlightened or evolved than someone who takes revenge on another, or manipulates them through punishment. However, by being able to be compassionate with myself, I am able to look more deeply and more honestly at myself and see where I would like to grow or change something about myself. And, I just notice these qualities in myself. I am not gripped to act on them. It just serves as information to me that inspires me to continue to work on myself. I am sure that we all have these places in our psyche that morph into a thousand different forms.

All this dialogue in Star Trek about emotions touch on very important points about the messages that emotions have for our learning and growth.

Now, geeks get to mine the depths of Star Trek in this book for the dialogue that exemplifies the knowledge coming from the latest research in positive psychology (the study of what’s right with us) and emotional intelligence.

Understanding your emotions

Understanding your emotions is part of the RHUME model that I describe in my first book (Vanderpol, 2005). Star Trek gives us a dialogue here about the experience and understanding of emotions. This is a great spring board for us geeks to use to start understanding our emotions and looking more closely at the information they are trying to convey.

--------------------

Pert, C. (2003). Molecules of emotion: Why you feel the way you feel. Toronto: Scribner.
Vanderpol, J. (2005). Honouring Your Emotions: Why it Matters. Cowichan Bay, BC: Nine Lives Publishing.

A Brave New World

Time’s Arrow Part II – S6E1

The Framework

Part I and II of this episode gives us a biographical glimpse into the character Samuel Clemens (yes, Mark Twain, the writer). He is brought aboard the enterprise and escorted to his quarters by Counsellor Troi. As they amble along a corridor and enter the turbo-lift, an interesting conversation ensues:

There are many ways of looking at the future. The way of looking determines the way of being. Clemens shares his cynical vision of what he sees on the Enterprise with Troi and Troi fills in the gaps:

Clemens: Well. I’m not so impressed with this future. Huge star ships and weapons that can no doubt destroy entire cities and military conquest as a way of life?

Troi: Is that what you see here?

Clemens: Well, I know what you say. That this is a vessel of exploration and your mission is to discover new worlds. That’s what the Spanish said. And the Dutch. And the Portuguese. That’s what all conquerors say. I’m sure that’s what you told that blue-skinned fellow I just saw before you brought him here to serve you. 

Troi: He’s one of the thousand species that we’ve encountered. We live in a peaceful Federation with most of them. The people you see are here by choice.

Clemens: So, there are a privileged few who serve on these ships, living in luxury and wanting for nothing, but what about everybody else? What about the poor? You ignore them.

Troi: Poverty was eliminated on earth a long time ago. And a lot of other things disappeared with it. Hopelessness. Despair. Cruelty.

Clemens: Young lady, I come from a time when men achieve power and wealth by standing on the backs of the poor, where prejudice and intolerance are common-place, and power is an end unto itself. And you’re telling me that isn’t how it is anymore?

Troi: That’s right.

Clemens: Mmm. Maybe, it’s worth giving up cigars for after all. 

The Vision

Perhaps, when we read the above dialogue, we see our current world in much the same way as Clemens -- with oppression, prejudice, intolerance and abuse of power. However, as much as that may still be true, we can also create a vision and, from there, a reality where the extremes of wealth and poverty are abolished, where power no longer creates injustice and oppression, and where prejudice is eliminated. And, if we look closer at our world today, we see many people creating these changes based on this new vision.

It can start with a positive framework that can be used by individuals, organizations, governments and communities. For example, Dr. David Cooperrider, a Professor in Social Entrepreneurship, and the founder of Appreciative Inquiry (AI) enlightens us with research that shows what happens when we focus on what is already going right. To appreciate, to see those things worth valuing and to inquire, to search, question and discover is at the heart of AI. Cooperrider (2012) applies strategies arising from this research in thousands of organizations around the world with a framework from Peter Drucker that says, “The task of leadership is to create an alignment of strengths in ways that make a system’s weaknesses irrelevant.”

Strengths-based approaches (including positive psychology) have a much higher success rate than focusing on weaknesses. For example, the common deficit-bias in organizations creates measurements of what goes wrong including deficiencies in people. “People excel only by amplifying strengths, not by fixing weakness” Leaders who “elevate strengths, see what works, and evoke what’s next” create results such as engagement in companies from 2:1 to 10:1, and high engagement organizations have 3.9 times the earnings-per-share growth rate. This is the culture that created positivity and possibility at Southwest and Amazon. Two transformational examples of positive inquiry in organizations.

The Action

And lest geeks reading this post think there is nothing to be done for our pathetic world, think about our own power. As Richard Darell of Bit Rebels points out, geeks rule the world. He has a good point, especially when we look at the founders of multinational computer companies such as Google, Microsoft and of course Apple. They have had tremendous influence on our culture. We are full of good ideas and work in creating the IT of now and the future. We govern how people navigate their lives. And so we can get geeky with the positive psychology frameworks that are being researched and developed today and use them.

AI (no, not artificial intelligence - appreciative inquiry) could be used as we create our own visions of how we would like the world to be and then initiate practices using our own strengths to ‘make it so’. The concept portrayed in this episode where Clemens sees a world where we have eliminated poverty, power issues, prejudice, and intolerance begins with a positive foundation and a world-embracing vision. As we adopt AI and similar principles on which to base the practice of our lives at the micro and macro level, we see sustainable change in the world. There is still hope and still time. And, the time is now. Geeks of the world unite! 'Make it so!'

It is within the grasp of policy makers, governments, corporations, communities and individuals to work toward this vision. But it begins with having it. Star Trek gives us that. Repeatedly.

Cooperrider, D. (2012). Three circles of the strengths revolution. Leadership Excellence. March 2012. p 3-4.

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For good geeky gawking go to Richard Darell's site: www.bitrebels.com

Resistance is Futile

Time’s Arrow Part II – S6E1

Technology's Double Arrow

Personal Log

After a lapse in writing because I think it’s not good enough for geeks, I have decided that the links I make from Star Trek to psychology are pretty cool, or should I say sweet. And any geek who has struggled with relationships, improving their social life, or wondered what to do about those so called pesky emotions will be able to use the brilliant dialogue in Star Trek to become more adept at traversing life’s challenges within and without.
So, once more, I make my “Earl Grey, hot” and sit down to write. I put on my Pink Beach Mix downtempo mix and it begins with Rapino Brothers – Go Ahead London, which begins with Picard’s voice saying “Engage.” How cool is that! I didn’t plan it.

Synopsis

Part I and II of this episode gives us a biographical glimpse into the character Samuel Clemens (yes, Mark Twain, the writer). He is brought aboard the enterprise and escorted to his quarters by Counsellor Troi. As they amble along a corridor and enter the turbo-lift, an interesting conversation about technology ensues:

Clemens: Any place that doesn’t stock a good cigar doesn’t rank high in my book.

Troi: If you must have one, I’m sure we can replicate one for you.

Clemens: Oh. If you think that one of these imitations take the place of a hand-wrapped Cavana. Uh-uh.

Troi: I wouldn’t know.

Clemens: Well that’s the problem I see here. All this technology only serves to take away life’s simple pleasures. You don’t even let a man open a door for a lady.

Troi: I think what we’ve gained far outweighs anything that might have been lost.

The Double Arrow

Troi brings a refreshing perspective to the consequences of the advancements of technology to earth. 

Although I recognize how technology, especially cell phones and video games (gasp!) can reduce the opportunity for 'simple pleasures' and also deeper social connection with others, I am tired of hearing about it like the whole thing is bad. It isn’t. 

All changes bring new things in and leave other things behind. Sure enough, technology changes the 'system' of the way we do things and there may be “unintended consequences” (Senge, 2006), but we, as a species, are quite capable of ‘adapting’ and becoming more pro-active in choosing how and when we use various forms of technology. We do have a choice. And a brain. We can use technology in a way that enhances our lives and development on this planet including deeper social connections.

For example, I saw Jane McGonigal, PhD., a world-reowned game designer present at the 2009 World Congress in Positive Psychology. She spoke of research, developments, and a new games in the game world that are designed to "improve real lives and solve real problems" Her #1 goal in life is to see a game developer win a Nobel Peace Prize and she is a best-selling author (McGonigal, 2011). Now that's what I call positive computing. So, you see, we can have fun with games and use them to improve our lot in life.

We geeks probably have the upper hand on technology and all the different opportunities to do things we couldn't do before because of it. It's fun and it's brilliant. Collaborative research projects can take place with two scientists on opposite sides of the world. Education can be taught online thereby making it possible to people who might otherwise not have the opportunity. We can process our psychological states through alter-egos in the form of Avatars and build communities of people that relate to each other via MMORPG's. We can connect with others via smartphones and social media like never before. We still want to connect. This is just a different way to do it.

Relating face-to-face and using technology is an and/and proposition. Technology is relatively new to our species and we are just figuring out how to integrate it with the in-person and in-nature things of life. And yes, we use it for escape and procrastination and in ways that do not optimize our well-being. But we have been doing that for centuries. And we can choose to use it make positive contributions to our lives and our world. The choice is ours. Technology is here to stay and "resistance is futile".

Engage!

So... What one thing would you do to use technology in a more positive way? Be sure to post in the comments box. I would love to hear the variations, no matter how small or how large.How would you like to 'adapt'?

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McGonigal, J. (2011). Reality is broken: Why games make us better and how they can change the world. Penguin Press.

Senge, P. M. (2006). The fifth discipline: The art and practice of the learning organization. New York: Doubleday/Currency.

Ubuntu

Loneliness and Friendship

I-Borg - S5E23

This episode of ST explores a dilemma of what to do with an injured cybernetic being, part of a collective known as the Borg that threatens to assimilate other species. However, what I found more interesting is the dialogue that unfolded between this one Borg and various members of the crew on what it meant to be an individual, in contrast to being part of a collective. As the Borg becomes aware of himself as an individual, he exhibits curiosity and starts asking what it is to be human.

The injured Borg is taken aboard the Enterprise where Dr. Crusher works on healing his injuries and Geordi, the Chief Engineer repairs his damaged implants and creates a feeding device. As the Borg regains consciousness, he announces the famous Borg lines in their typical monotone mechanical voice, “We are Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.” As his individuality reasserts itself, he begins to exhibit curiosity. He starts in response to the power conduit for nutrients by saying, “Why do you do this? You are not Borg.” 

Geordi asks to take a closer look at Hugh’s eye implant (They named him "Hugh"). Hugh gives it to him, announcing, “When you are assimilated, you will have a similar device.”
Beverly responds, “Hugh, do you understand? We don’t want to be assimilated. “
Hugh, looking puzzled responds, “Why do you resist us?”
Beverly says, “Because we don’t want to live the way you do.”
Then Hugh still looking perplexed responds, “Here, it is quiet. There are no other voices. On a Borg ship, we live with the thoughts of the others in our minds, thousands of voices with us always.”
The doctor says, “I think what you’re saying is that you’re lonely.”

In another scene, Guinan, whose race has almost been destroyed by the Borg, goes to visit Hugh and has a conversation with him and explains, “Resistance is not futile.” She continues in an angry tone to say that there are very few of her kind left, scattered throughout the galaxy. Hugh responds, “What you are saying is that you are lonely. You have no others. You have no home. We are also lonely.” Guinan looks shocked at Hugh’s observation.

In the next scene, we find ourselves with Geordi and Hugh. Geordi is looking at Hugh’s prosthetic arm. Hugh asks why. Geordi says, “Because. You’re different than we are. Part of what we do is learn more about other species.” Hugh responds, “We assimilate species. Then we know everything about them. Is that not easier?” Geordi says, “Maybe it is. It’s just not what we do.” Again, Hugh asks why. At this point, Geordi launches into a rather heated explanation where he points out that Hugh speaks using the word “we” and that he (Hugh) doesn’t even know how to think of himself as a single individual. Geordi continues by pointing out that they (referring to humans) are separate individuals. “I am Geordi. I choose what I want to do with my life. I make decisions for myself. For me, losing that sense of individuality is almost worse than dying.” Hugh says, “When you sleep, there are no other voices in your mind.” Geordi says, “No.” Hugh says, “Are you ever lonely?” Geordi responds, “Sometimes. But that’s why we have friends.” Hugh says quizzically, “Friends.” Geordi says, “Sure. Someone you can talk to, who will be with you when you are lonely. Someone who makes you feel better…” Hugh says, “Like Geordi… and Hugh.”

The ‘message’ in loneliness

Hugh inspires us to reflect about two elements of our human condition: the experience of loneliness and the need for friendship and connection with others. It is contrasted with a distasteful version of being “assimilated” against our will, much like having to sacrifice your individuality to conform to family or societal codes. Sometimes, we need to be alone. Sometimes, we need to be with people. Autonomy and connection are two basic human needs (Sheldon, K. 2004).

When we are alone and we need to be with other people but are not, it is experienced as loneliness. Hugh discovers that the key to not being lonely is in friendship. Perhaps the message in loneliness is that we are being reminded to cultivate and maintain our friendships.

Ubuntu is a concept originating in Africa that reminds us that our vitality comes alive in the sharing of humanity in the presence of others. I am because you are. It is about something larger than ourselves, about belonging and participating in the human race.

Whether we are geeking out on technology or trivia, we may experience loneliness. This loneliness is a reminder, a message that we all have an innate need to belong to larger communities of people, of 'engaging' with others, whether it be other geek communities or all of humanity or both. Ubuntu is a unifying principle that nourishes us and our communities. You are valuable and will not be assimilated!

Engage!

One of the most robust indicators of high emotional well-being (EWB) is strong social network of family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and community (Diener & Biswas-Diener, 2008). It is an outcome of Ubuntu. Where would you like to be involved more in the human race? When you do this, what happens to your loneliness? Want to be more involved? Make it so!

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Diener, E. & Biswas-Diener, R. (2008). Happiness: Unlocking the mysteries of psychological wealth. Malden, MA: Blackwell Publishing.

Sheldon, K. M. (2004). Optimal human being: an integrated multi-level perspective. Mahwah, N.J.: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

I Win, You Lose or...

The environment always wins
Transfigurations – S3E25

This is the Part II commentary from the previous post. Continuing with this episode John Doe, who was experiencing a metamorphosis from a physical to energetic being removed himself from a hostile environment in order to create an environment that allowed him to complete his transformation. It reminds me of a coaching course in designing winning environments which goes on to explain "The Nine Environments of You" created by the late Thomas Leonard, founder of Coachville. The philosophy is, "The environment always wins." This is an important concept used in coaching and I personally have experienced the benefits of applying this concept in my daily life. It can be rather, um, well, transformative.

The evil environment

Nowhere is the importance of the environment better illustrated than in the 1971 Stanford Experiment where good people turn evil. This was a study to see what happens when college students agreed to play the role of guard or inmate for two weeks in a prison. The guards became so violent the experiment had to be aborted after six days. It seems like an odd topic for a 'positive psychology' conference in 2009 but was actually transformative in that it showed up how we could also create positive environments.

In our game culture, most games are set up as a form of competition. Winners and losers. Or, if it's a cooperative game, it's boring. Yet blindly following competition as a way of life does NOT bring out the best in us or our planet. So, what's the solution? Well. There's a third way of looking at it. And that is to create a winning environment. It starts with our inner environment and can also be applied to a global environment. I'm using the word 'environment' in a different way than the 'saving the planet' concept. Yet, if we following this new model, the latter would follow. It’s an interesting concept portrayed in Star Trek that has far-reaching implications in our own lives.

Make your own rules

For example, who do you hang out with? How do they make you feel? What kind of cafes do you go to? Who is your dentist? How easy is it to work in your kitchen? What is in your fridge and cupboard that supports you to eat well? What kind of thoughts do you think? What news do you take in? From where? Facebook? CNN? What magazines do you read? Get my drift? How would you like to feel? And how would you change your activities? In short, what would you do differently to create a winning environment for you?

If life is a game, then this is one of the cardinal rules of living an optimal life. Design winning environments – environments that support you, inspire you and nurture you. This is the catapult to true, sustainable transformation. John Doe knew he had to get away from a hostile environment to one that would support him in his transformation.

-----------------------------------

To learn more about the Stanford experiment go to www.thelucifereffect.com
To learn more about creating winning environments go to www.coachville.com/home/html/personal_environments_method

Here are the nine environments identified by Thomas Leonard:

1. Memetic (Ideas)
2. Financial
3. Relationship (friends, family, colleagues)
4. Network (connections, community, social)
5. Physical (places, things)
6. Body (energy, appearance)
7. Self (strengths, talents, character)
8. Spiritual (deep connections, sacred spaces)
9. Nature.

Your Alter Avatar

The Architecture of Transformation
Transfigurations – S3E25

This episode begins by finding an injured, unconscious humanoid crashed in a one-man spaceship on a planet nearby. In sickbay, Dr. Beverly Crusher works to repair the humanoid’s injuries and retrain his limbs to move and walk. When he regains consciousness, he cannot remember who he is. They refer to him as John Doe. His healing and cell regeneration takes place at an accelerated pace and Dr. Crusher also notices another cell transfiguration happening in his body that has nothing to do with his healing. At one point, the transporter chief comes in with a dislocated shoulder and John Doe touches the shoulder and it is completely healed.

Later, the Enterprise locates his home planet and brings aboard Captain Sunad who says, “Kill him, Captain. He’s evil.”

John Doe replies, “You could learn from these people, Sunad. They don’t fear me.” 

Sunad responds, “They don’t know how dangerous you are and the others like you.” 

John Doe: “That is what you and the others like you have maintained for generations. It’s not true. Captain. My species is on the verge of a wondrous evolutionary change. A transmutation beyond their physical being. I am the first of my kind to approach this metamorphosis. They tried to convince us it was a sickness we would never survive. The pain and energy pulses would kill us. They claimed we were dangerous so they destroyed anyone who exhibited the signs of the transfiguration.”

Sunad: “We were protecting our society.”

John Doe: “By murdering us? You saw the mutations as a threat to your authority. You were horrified of something you couldn’t understand. Some suspected what was happening to them was not evil. … You hunted us down. But I survived. With the help of kind, generous people.”

Diversity or Division?

What if this is a metaphor for humanity? What if we are on the cusp of a wondrous, evolutionary change? That we are a noble creature and are evolving to a higher level of being? If that was our world view, how would things be different? For us individually and for the planet as a whole?

Which would you rather have? What are the consequences in a society where viewing others that are different from ourselves (U.S. vs Arabs, White vs. Black, Women vs. Men, Rich vs. Poor) as 'the bad guy'? Our view has a great deal to do with the outcome.

This episode contrasts the accepting and cooperative nature of humans on the Enterprise with the unaccepting and condemning nature of the Zarkonian people. It is a metaphor for the different sides and viewpoints of ourselves, as individuals, communities, and countries. Star Trek portrays a vision of a humanity that is evolving towards living in harmony with our differences. And by celebrating our differences, we bring each person's gifts into creating a better world for everyone on the planet. The real question is: What can each of us do now to transform and transcend? Not the other guy. You.

I think Star Trek has it right.

So what would you like your Alter-Avatar to be? Leave a comment. We could get some interesting Alter-avatars here.

And look for Part II of this episode in the next post.

Until then, Johanna

How to Train your (Inner) Dragon

Resilience Training

Loud As A Whisper – S2E5

This is the third installment on the "Loud as a Whisper" episode. The first one (see below) is titled "To be or not to be". The second one is titled "One for all and all for one". And this one deals with Riva losing his Chorus of telepaths and left to communicate on his own, unable to hear or speak.

As a recap:
The Enterprise is responsible for transporting Riva, a mediator who was asked to help bring peace to two warring factions of the planet, Solais V. Riva is deaf and mute, a condition that is not considered a defect on his planet. In order to communicate, he has three other people by his side (two male, one female), telepathically connected to him, and can ‘hear’ his thoughts and emotions. When he loses his chorus that speaks for him, he is left with the challenge of turning this disadvantage into an advantage. It shows him going through the stages of bewilderment, self-recrimination and finally challenged by Counsellor Troi of walking his talk, of turning his new disadvantage into advantage. This is an optimistic framework whereby we can create positive outcomes and opportunities. The

research in positive psychology and resilience literature suggests that people who bounce back faster from adversity are the ones who can see some positive meaning coming from their misfortunes (Tedeschi et al, 1998). In fact, one of the differences between soldiers who experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and those who do not is their finding some positive meaning in their experience.

However, it is still prudent to allow yourself time to come to terms with what has befallen you, to allow yourself to have the emotional processes necessary to move through it. Then and ONLY THEN will you be ready to train your inner dragon.

Resilience training involves many more elements; however, this 'blessing in disguise' is one of the variables that separate the resilient from not-so-resilient. It is a skill that can be practiced whenever you need it to help you bounce back from a negative event. 

Engage!

How have you been challenged with adversity? How have you trained your inner dragon? Share your story in the comments below. I would love to hear from you and it would benefit others.

How do you train your inner dragon of bewilderment, anger, resentment, devastation, depression, anxiety or other mental challenges to become an advantage for you?

Some of us have experienced large adversities from family of origin issues of emotional neglect, abuse, violence, trauma or other life situations such as losing a child, broken relationships. Some of our adverse occurrences are smaller and good practice ground for the bigger stuff.

Recall a situation (start with a smaller one) that still isn't resolved. What’s the advantage in your disadvantage? Make a list of the advantages. What feels different now?

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Tedeschi, R. G., Tedeschi, R. G., Park, C. L., & Calhoun, L. G. (Eds.). (1998). Posttraumatic growth: Positive changes in the aftermath of crisis. Routledge.

One for all and All for one!

Dissolving Differences
Loud As A Whisper – S2E5

When the two warring factions demand to hear from Riva, he opens from the bridge of the Enterprise with, “Brothers. Your bravery as fighters is known. Now you must demonstrate courage in a new way. Cease hostilities. Allow us to meet.”

At his first visit on the planet it starts off with the woman in the chorus: “Be at ease. I commend you both. To come here proves not only your courage, but your wisdom. Please. Give this conference a chance.”

Spoken by the man representing logic: “I have no magic. You have been fighting all your lives. You have known only…”

At this point, one of the factions gets ready to fire. Riker pushes Riva out of the way and his chorus gets killed. They return to the Enterprise. Riva becomes distraught and withdrawn. When the doctor and counsellor report on Riva’s state to the Captain, Deanna (the counsellor) says, “Confidence is faith in oneself. It can’t easily be given by another.” 

The Captain asks Data to find and learn Riva’s sign language so they can communicate with Riva. The Captain tries to convince Riva to return to negotiations. He refuses. The Captain asks Deanna to continue negotiations. Deanna asks Riva, “When dealing with two factions so diametrically opposed, so entrenched in their positions, where do you start?”

Riva: “My technique was to look for some thing, no matter how small, that was common to both groups, and then, to begin a process where one person, where one group expresses themselves to each other… What is even more difficult is to get each side to listen, really listen, to each other, and to understand. The real secret is turning disadvantage into advantage.” 

Deanna responds to Riva's position without his chorus, “Why can’t you do that? Why can’t you turn your disadvantage into an advantage?”

Strategies on successful communication

Both parties wanted to come to a state of peace. Implied here is a pre-requisite that they are willing, motivated. Secondly, Riva shared the secret of successful communication. When there is conflict, the key to harmony is to draw attention to something common to each. And the third element would be to listen, really listen. Bushe (2010), leadership professor and consultant, refers to this as active listening and defines it as “the ability to understand the meaning of what a person is saying and to communicate that understanding to the person” (p. 192). This point, alone, takes effort to master. Have you ever truly listened to another without thinking ahead about what you will say or interjecting, advising, how they should think about it differently, or telling your own story? How hard can it be? Um. Yeah. Hard. But the benefits are worth it.

Engage!

Make a commitment to yourself that today you will listen, truly listen to someone for five minutes. What changes for you? What happens for you when you apply this to your next conversation?

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Bushe, G. R. (2009). Clear leadership: Sustaining real collaboration and partnership at work. (Rev. Ed.). Mountain View, Calif.: Davies-Black Pub.. p. 192.

To be or not to be...

The Value of Self-Acceptance
Loud As A Whisper – S2E5

The Archetypal Mirror

The Enterprise is responsible for transporting Riva, a mediator who was asked to help bring peace to two warring factions of the planet, Solais V. Riva is deaf and mute, a condition that is not considered a defect on his planet. In order to communicate, he has three other people by his side (two male, one female), telepathically connected to him, and can ‘hear’ his thoughts and emotions. 

The first (male) of the three speaks: “We convey not only his thoughts but his emotional intent as well. I am a scholar. I represent the intellect and speak in matters of judgment, philosophy, logic. Also, I am the dreamer, the part that longs to see the beauty beyond the truth, which is always the first duty of art. I am the poet…”

The next person (male) speaks: “I am passion, the libido, I am the anarchy of lust the romantic and the lover. I am also the warrior the perfect line which never wavers.” 

The third person (female) speaks: “I am that which binds all the others together. I am harmony, wisdom, balance.”

About twelve minutes into the episode, there is a dialogue between Riva and Geordi, the Chief Engineer that further demonstrates acceptance of aspects of ourselves we might not normally accept. Riva is inquiring about Geordi’s visor that allows him to see. The dialogue goes like this: 

Riva: “Then your visor serves the same function as my chorus? Interprets my thoughts and translates them into sound?” 

Geordi: “Yes.”

Riva: “And you don’t resent it?”

Geordi: “The visor or being blind?”

Riva: “Either.”

Geordi: “Well, no. Since they’re both a part of me and I really like who I am, there’s no reason for me to resent either one.”

The female of the chorus comments for Riva: “It’s a blessing to understand that we are special. Each in our own way.”

Geordi enthusiastically agrees, “Yes. Yes. That’s the way I feel exactly.”

Finding the self’s source code

We each have different facets that make us human, including facets that we might consider flaws. All of them are valuable. In order to experience wholeness, self-acceptance also applies to emotions. Traditional psychology has leaked into our culture with the view that negative emotions (sometimes even positive ones), quirks in our personalities, and behaviour outside the norm are some sort of pathology. We come to view ourselves based on the illness model. A truer view may be that emotions are normal, human responses to aspects of life.  Culture downplays the emotional facets of ourselves. Yet emotion plays a crucial role in being a whole person. And by honoring the emotional parts of ourselves, we incorporate a wholeness that elevates us to the next level. I have seen many a client become happier when they are able to honor the messages in their emotions.

That’s what I like about geeks. We like something outside the norm and learn about it and become good at it. We follow what interests us. Be damned what others think! Good for us!

Yet, geeks are also influenced and part of culture. So, let’s take it one step further. My gut feeling is that geeks push emotions aside. But what if emotions are our inner compass? What if they are our source code? And lead us down (or up) the path of the inner terrain with discoveries hitherto unknown? Like the self-acceptance that Geordi talks about. He is blind and he has a visor. They are both part of him. Self-acceptance at its finest. And so it is with us. Our emotions are part of the whole of us, worthy of our self-acceptance and the recognition that they are part of the human condition, not a flaw.

Lest you be turning your nose up at emotions, consider this. Studies have shown that patients who have tumors removed that destroy their ability to have feelings, become unable to live a normal life. They cannot make good decisions that affect their career, family, and where to live as well as smaller daily decisions. So, what is going on here? 

According to neurologist Damasio, the “somatic markers” (Goleman, 1995) that assist us in making decisions from mind and gut are missing. When we operate in a computerlike fashion, we are missing one half of our reasoning faculties. Both are critical to problem-solving. So, before we regard emotions as a pain in the ass, something to be set aside, let’s instead experiment with the notion of accepting them as part of the whole and become curious about what information they have for us.

They are part of our source code.

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Goleman, D. (1997). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam.

Faith in Humanity Restored

Creating the Vision
Encounter at Farpoint – S1E1&2

The Mission

This episode is the beginning of the first season of the new Star Trek Series known as The Next Generation (TNG), originally aired from 1987 to 1994. It develops the new characters in the episode and begins with a visit from an omnipotent being known as “Q” who accuses the crew onboard the Enterprise as being a savage race. Q decides they must be tried in a post-apocalyptic court where they may be sentenced to death. Domt, Domt, Daaaa...

It is decided that they will be given a chance to prove that their race has changed.

In Part II, the crew encounter a civilization that has vast energy reserves, but it becomes evident that something seems not quite right. The energy is being derived from the capture of a sentient being capable of transferring energy into matter. The crew of the Enterprise free the being from its capture and then it becomes re-united with its mate and the energy of pain emanating from the being is transformed to one of joy. Through this act of freeing a feeling entity, the crew of the Enterprise have provided evidence to Q that they are no longer a savage race and are capable of great acts of compassion and kindness. 

A positive vision of humanity

In this episode, TNG starts with an uplifting social commentary on the progress of humankind. We, as a species, are making progress from being a savage race toward one that is capable of acts of empathy and compassion. And this is not science fiction.

There is a large global trend forming to bring compassion into all of our endeavours from the individual to the level of communities, corporations and governments. ST starts the TNG series by creating a positive vision of our capacity, progress, and our future. And the future is now.

Do You Feel Like I Feel?

The Power of Empathy
Data’s Day – S4E11

In this episode, Data struggles with trying to predict human responses and reactions. He uses logic to predict and logic fails! This episode is an excellent portrayal of what happens when reason is used without emotion.

Data starts by creating a personal log  transmitted to Commander Bruce Maddux at the Daystrom Institute¹: Dear Commander Maddux. ...I found it difficult to maintain friendships since human emotions are often puzzling to me. Eventually, I developed a program enabling me to predict human emotional responses to specific actions.

Data proceeds with an interaction with his friend, Keiko who is marrying Chief O’Brien.

Data: “It is time for the wedding rehearsal.”

Keiko: “I know, Data, I’ve decided not to go through with it.”

Data: “You do not wish to rehearse?”

Keiko: “No, I’m calling off the wedding.”

Data: “May I ask why?”

Keiko: “It’s just the right thing to do.”

Data: “Have your feelings for Chief O’Brien changed?”

Keiko: (Sigh). “I’m supposed to be getting married, Data. I should be happy, but I’m not. This weight pressing down on me.”

Data: “Will cancelling the wedding make you happy?”

Keiko: “Yes, he’ll probably be just as relieved as I am.

Data’s personal log: My friend, Chief O’Brien often says that above all else, he wants to make Keiko happy. Since cancelling the wedding will make her happy, I must conclude that Chief will be pleased with her decision.

Oh. We can see where this is going. In the next scene, we see Data speaking to Chief O’Brien: “I have good news. Keiko has made a decision designed to increase her happiness. She has cancelled the wedding.”

Chief O’Brien: “She what?! Cancelled the wedding? Today? Without a word? Of all the childish, selfish, irresponsible things to do!”

Chief O’Brien storms out of ten forward.

Geordi: “Next time, maybe I should deliver the good news.”

Data’s personal log: Commander Maddux, it would appear that my program designed to predict emotional responses is in need of adjustment.

Where is your ‘program’ in need of adjustment?

Empathy

It seems to me that even us humans are in Data’s boat, trying to predict human responses and reactions and being surprised by them. Although the word empathy is not used in this episode, it is the emotional intelligence competency (EIC) in ourselves that helps us understand and predict another person’s emotional responses. Empathy is “the ability to be aware of, to understand and to appreciate the feelings and thoughts of others” (Stein & Book, 2000, p. 111).

The research on this competency indicates the benefits of empathy includes better relationships, with yourself and others (Goleman, 1997, p. 97). It is a skill that can be taught; even in 45 minutes performance can improve on an empathy skill test (Goleman, 1997, p. 97). Without it, relationships suffer. Misunderstandings abound as we see in this episode. And smooth relationships are difficult to obtain. Data is onto something here. And it starts with empathy for ourselves.

Engage!

When was the last time you judged yourself harshly? If you are like most people, I suspect it was in the last hour or day. It can be subtle and almost slip underneath your conscious threshold. For example, you may have had the desire to take the day off from your normal duties or “have to’s” whether it be homework, practicing the cello (yep. that’s me) or a work or home task. And then you may think, Oh. I’m so lazy. or I always procrastinate. Just below conscious threshold. But there it is. And it ever-so-slightly erodes a healthy self-regard.

How about replacing that with a more empathic approach such as It feels like I need a break or Maybe I’m feeling overwhelmed by this task and need to break it into smaller chunks or What do I need? That would be a more self-empathic approach. Does that feel more relaxing?

Now you can transfer this small example of empathy to your relationship with another person. Even if it is a casual conversation with an acquaintance you meet on the street or a conversation you’re having vis SMS or FB. Convey that you hear and accept the deeper messages in what they are saying. This is the practice. This is the practice. This is the practice. So... are you game? A new frontier to develop. Even you can be more empathic like Counsellor Troi! Who knew! See what happens. Boldly go.

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Goleman, D. (1997). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam.

Stein, S. & Book. H. (2000). The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success. Mississauga, Ont.: Jossey-Bass.

¹There is a ST technical library online that is known as the Daystrom Institute Technical Library. It has all things Star Trek and displays like a monitor on the Bridge of the Enterprise. Take a look. www.ditl.org

Emotional Intelligence as the Final Frontier...

Introduction

Space… the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.

This is the beginning narration of Star Trek, The Next Generation (TNG). The Original Series (TOS) started in 1966 and those words are still used in the new movies of 2011 and 2013, 47 years later! Amazing for a TV series that was originally pulled off the air three short years after it began. 

It was created by Gene Roddenberry; a man of great vision for the future of this world, and, in my opinion, a vision that humankind can and is turning into a reality now. He was the first producer of a TV series to show men and women and different races working together in equality and harmony on the bridge of the Enterprise. He also took the game of money off the tabletop. Then he gave everyone a common goal, “to explore strange new worlds”. This had never been done before on TV. It was a bold move, to give women equal standing to men, and portray white and dark races working together, and remove the elements of wealth and poverty, especially in 1966. Science fiction indeed!

What began in with Star Trek, The Original Series (TOS) 1966-1969 has now continued with seven years of The Next Generation (TNG) 1987-1994, six years of Deep Space Nine (DSN) 1993-1999, six years of Voyager (VOY) 1995-2001, and four years of Enterprise (ENT) 2001-2005. In addition to the aforementioned five different series, it has spawned twelve movies, six from TOS, four from TNG, and two relatively new ones (20011, 2013) starting the story anew from the beginning. The cycle continues. The next generation (ha, ha, no pun intended) is also captivated.

Over the years Star Trek has developed an avid fan base, spawned documentaries, websites, trivia, comic books, a prominent profile at Comic-Con Conventions, other science fiction conventions, novels, video games, animated series, and now, of course, all kinds of social media apps and gadgets.

There are many books that explore the concepts in Star Trek, the physics of the gadgets that seem like science fiction but are now closer to reality than sci-fi. There are books that explore the quantum physics concepts about particles or waves, about temporal flux, about wormholes and other phenomena. Some of Star Trek invented gadgets that are now coming into existence. Some of Star Trek explored new concepts in science. Yet, what I haven’t seen explored in much detail is the psychology of Star Trek.

I have been a Trekkie since 1966. I remember having fights with my parents because it would air around suppertime and they couldn’t get me to come to the dinner table. I enjoyed the mystery and the pace and the gadgets and the concepts, but what captivated me more was the dialogue. The dialogue explored philosophies to live your life by, facets of what it was to be a human being, morality and dilemmas, a social commentary on culture, the psychology of how to manage your own personal challenges, and the process of creating successful connections with others. This was what fascinated me. I used it as guidance in my own life, as a teenager.

And now? I am a Positive Psychology and Emotional Intelligence Coach. A what? And a what? Okay. Pause. Rewind. Positive Psychology is the study of what enables human beings, institutions (of human beings), and communities (of human beings) to thrive. Emotional Intelligence is a set of competencies to recognize, manage, and express your emotions so they don’t come back to bite you. And I created a model on how to do that and published a book about it. With undergrad degree in psychology and a Masters in Leadership, I am currently investigating a PhD in Psychology. So you can see, this is a topic that has become my calling. I am continually struck by the value of the dialogue in Star Trek to bring psychology to us in an entertaining and useful way.

What keeps me watching it now? Here I am 45 years later. Oh. My. God. Has it really been that long? I still like Star Trek. ST explores what it is to be a human being. It creates a positive vision of humanity. It explores what it means to honor and respect another person. The dialogue continues with refreshing clarity different facets of the human condition and cultures, from anxiety to friendship to loneliness to individualism to collectivism “to infinity and beyond” (Oh. Sorry. Wrong movie).

What makes me a geek? Or am I a semi-geek? Or can I make a full claim to being a geek? What are the criteria? I have watched every episode of TOS, TNG, Voyageur, and all the movies, many times over. I raised my son on Star Trek. I have read the autobiography of George Takei (Sulu). I read Dancing Barefoot and Memories of the Future by Wil Wheaton. I follow Wil Wheaton’s blog. I read The Physics of Star Trek. I am reading Gene Roddenberry: The Myth and the Man Behind Star Trek. I read Geek Wisdom: The Sacred Teachings of Nerd Culture (great book by the way). I love all things computer. I love innovation and creativity. I am a rebel. I hate convention and mindless adherence to routine and “that’s the way we’ve always done it”. I am smart. I loved the 70’s. Okay. That makes me an intelligent bohemian, semi-geek, baby boomer hippie. Something like that.

I love geeks. They are highly intelligent, quick, focused, and have a mind for detail. And being someone of youthful and intelligent energy, I am energized by the same. What I also see is, when geeks are challenged, emotionally and psychologically, they have a tendency to distract themselves by burying themselves in computer games and trivia. Because they recognize the absurdity of much of the conventions of society, they may feel like outsiders or underdogs. What do they do with their normal human need to belong? Along with feeling awkward in social settings and relationships. Incredibly bright but perhaps lacking some social skills that allow them to develop and strong social network and enjoyable intimate relationships. It can be difficult. For anyone. This is where I come in. As a geek friend said to me, “You are the corpus callosum for geeks.”

I am here to comment on the psychology of Star Trek for geeks. I highlight the connections in the dialogue of various episodes of TNG to what we know about how to be happier, healthier human beings from the science of psychology, neuropsychology, quantum physics, emotional intelligence, coaching, and philosophy.

We can learn from Star Trek! How cool is that? So, let’s add to our ST geekiness with its useful psychology to enhance our relationships, increase positive emotions and win the day. We will add its distinctiveness to our own. One caveat. I know you like accuracy and trivia and might have scathing opinions about my opinions, but don’t let that be your focus and end up missing the point of this book. And the point is… learning. Learning about psychology, stuff that just might make your life easier. And isn’t that what geeks do best? Learn. I think so.

So let’s go. To boldly go where no geek has gone before… Engage!