Do You Feel Like I Feel?

The Power of Empathy
Data’s Day – S4E11

In this episode, Data struggles with trying to predict human responses and reactions. He uses logic to predict and logic fails! This episode is an excellent portrayal of what happens when reason is used without emotion.

Data starts by creating a personal log  transmitted to Commander Bruce Maddux at the Daystrom Institute¹: Dear Commander Maddux. ...I found it difficult to maintain friendships since human emotions are often puzzling to me. Eventually, I developed a program enabling me to predict human emotional responses to specific actions.

Data proceeds with an interaction with his friend, Keiko who is marrying Chief O’Brien.

Data: “It is time for the wedding rehearsal.”

Keiko: “I know, Data, I’ve decided not to go through with it.”

Data: “You do not wish to rehearse?”

Keiko: “No, I’m calling off the wedding.”

Data: “May I ask why?”

Keiko: “It’s just the right thing to do.”

Data: “Have your feelings for Chief O’Brien changed?”

Keiko: (Sigh). “I’m supposed to be getting married, Data. I should be happy, but I’m not. This weight pressing down on me.”

Data: “Will cancelling the wedding make you happy?”

Keiko: “Yes, he’ll probably be just as relieved as I am.

Data’s personal log: My friend, Chief O’Brien often says that above all else, he wants to make Keiko happy. Since cancelling the wedding will make her happy, I must conclude that Chief will be pleased with her decision.

Oh. We can see where this is going. In the next scene, we see Data speaking to Chief O’Brien: “I have good news. Keiko has made a decision designed to increase her happiness. She has cancelled the wedding.”

Chief O’Brien: “She what?! Cancelled the wedding? Today? Without a word? Of all the childish, selfish, irresponsible things to do!”

Chief O’Brien storms out of ten forward.

Geordi: “Next time, maybe I should deliver the good news.”

Data’s personal log: Commander Maddux, it would appear that my program designed to predict emotional responses is in need of adjustment.

Where is your ‘program’ in need of adjustment?

Empathy

It seems to me that even us humans are in Data’s boat, trying to predict human responses and reactions and being surprised by them. Although the word empathy is not used in this episode, it is the emotional intelligence competency (EIC) in ourselves that helps us understand and predict another person’s emotional responses. Empathy is “the ability to be aware of, to understand and to appreciate the feelings and thoughts of others” (Stein & Book, 2000, p. 111).

The research on this competency indicates the benefits of empathy includes better relationships, with yourself and others (Goleman, 1997, p. 97). It is a skill that can be taught; even in 45 minutes performance can improve on an empathy skill test (Goleman, 1997, p. 97). Without it, relationships suffer. Misunderstandings abound as we see in this episode. And smooth relationships are difficult to obtain. Data is onto something here. And it starts with empathy for ourselves.

Engage!

When was the last time you judged yourself harshly? If you are like most people, I suspect it was in the last hour or day. It can be subtle and almost slip underneath your conscious threshold. For example, you may have had the desire to take the day off from your normal duties or “have to’s” whether it be homework, practicing the cello (yep. that’s me) or a work or home task. And then you may think, Oh. I’m so lazy. or I always procrastinate. Just below conscious threshold. But there it is. And it ever-so-slightly erodes a healthy self-regard.

How about replacing that with a more empathic approach such as It feels like I need a break or Maybe I’m feeling overwhelmed by this task and need to break it into smaller chunks or What do I need? That would be a more self-empathic approach. Does that feel more relaxing?

Now you can transfer this small example of empathy to your relationship with another person. Even if it is a casual conversation with an acquaintance you meet on the street or a conversation you’re having vis SMS or FB. Convey that you hear and accept the deeper messages in what they are saying. This is the practice. This is the practice. This is the practice. So... are you game? A new frontier to develop. Even you can be more empathic like Counsellor Troi! Who knew! See what happens. Boldly go.

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Goleman, D. (1997). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam.

Stein, S. & Book. H. (2000). The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success. Mississauga, Ont.: Jossey-Bass.

¹There is a ST technical library online that is known as the Daystrom Institute Technical Library. It has all things Star Trek and displays like a monitor on the Bridge of the Enterprise. Take a look. www.ditl.org