One for all and All for one!

Dissolving Differences
Loud As A Whisper – S2E5

When the two warring factions demand to hear from Riva, he opens from the bridge of the Enterprise with, “Brothers. Your bravery as fighters is known. Now you must demonstrate courage in a new way. Cease hostilities. Allow us to meet.”

At his first visit on the planet it starts off with the woman in the chorus: “Be at ease. I commend you both. To come here proves not only your courage, but your wisdom. Please. Give this conference a chance.”

Spoken by the man representing logic: “I have no magic. You have been fighting all your lives. You have known only…”

At this point, one of the factions gets ready to fire. Riker pushes Riva out of the way and his chorus gets killed. They return to the Enterprise. Riva becomes distraught and withdrawn. When the doctor and counsellor report on Riva’s state to the Captain, Deanna (the counsellor) says, “Confidence is faith in oneself. It can’t easily be given by another.” 

The Captain asks Data to find and learn Riva’s sign language so they can communicate with Riva. The Captain tries to convince Riva to return to negotiations. He refuses. The Captain asks Deanna to continue negotiations. Deanna asks Riva, “When dealing with two factions so diametrically opposed, so entrenched in their positions, where do you start?”

Riva: “My technique was to look for some thing, no matter how small, that was common to both groups, and then, to begin a process where one person, where one group expresses themselves to each other… What is even more difficult is to get each side to listen, really listen, to each other, and to understand. The real secret is turning disadvantage into advantage.” 

Deanna responds to Riva's position without his chorus, “Why can’t you do that? Why can’t you turn your disadvantage into an advantage?”

Strategies on successful communication

Both parties wanted to come to a state of peace. Implied here is a pre-requisite that they are willing, motivated. Secondly, Riva shared the secret of successful communication. When there is conflict, the key to harmony is to draw attention to something common to each. And the third element would be to listen, really listen. Bushe (2010), leadership professor and consultant, refers to this as active listening and defines it as “the ability to understand the meaning of what a person is saying and to communicate that understanding to the person” (p. 192). This point, alone, takes effort to master. Have you ever truly listened to another without thinking ahead about what you will say or interjecting, advising, how they should think about it differently, or telling your own story? How hard can it be? Um. Yeah. Hard. But the benefits are worth it.

Engage!

Make a commitment to yourself that today you will listen, truly listen to someone for five minutes. What changes for you? What happens for you when you apply this to your next conversation?

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Bushe, G. R. (2009). Clear leadership: Sustaining real collaboration and partnership at work. (Rev. Ed.). Mountain View, Calif.: Davies-Black Pub.. p. 192.