To be or not to be...

The Value of Self-Acceptance
Loud As A Whisper – S2E5

The Archetypal Mirror

The Enterprise is responsible for transporting Riva, a mediator who was asked to help bring peace to two warring factions of the planet, Solais V. Riva is deaf and mute, a condition that is not considered a defect on his planet. In order to communicate, he has three other people by his side (two male, one female), telepathically connected to him, and can ‘hear’ his thoughts and emotions. 

The first (male) of the three speaks: “We convey not only his thoughts but his emotional intent as well. I am a scholar. I represent the intellect and speak in matters of judgment, philosophy, logic. Also, I am the dreamer, the part that longs to see the beauty beyond the truth, which is always the first duty of art. I am the poet…”

The next person (male) speaks: “I am passion, the libido, I am the anarchy of lust the romantic and the lover. I am also the warrior the perfect line which never wavers.” 

The third person (female) speaks: “I am that which binds all the others together. I am harmony, wisdom, balance.”

About twelve minutes into the episode, there is a dialogue between Riva and Geordi, the Chief Engineer that further demonstrates acceptance of aspects of ourselves we might not normally accept. Riva is inquiring about Geordi’s visor that allows him to see. The dialogue goes like this: 

Riva: “Then your visor serves the same function as my chorus? Interprets my thoughts and translates them into sound?” 

Geordi: “Yes.”

Riva: “And you don’t resent it?”

Geordi: “The visor or being blind?”

Riva: “Either.”

Geordi: “Well, no. Since they’re both a part of me and I really like who I am, there’s no reason for me to resent either one.”

The female of the chorus comments for Riva: “It’s a blessing to understand that we are special. Each in our own way.”

Geordi enthusiastically agrees, “Yes. Yes. That’s the way I feel exactly.”

Finding the self’s source code

We each have different facets that make us human, including facets that we might consider flaws. All of them are valuable. In order to experience wholeness, self-acceptance also applies to emotions. Traditional psychology has leaked into our culture with the view that negative emotions (sometimes even positive ones), quirks in our personalities, and behaviour outside the norm are some sort of pathology. We come to view ourselves based on the illness model. A truer view may be that emotions are normal, human responses to aspects of life.  Culture downplays the emotional facets of ourselves. Yet emotion plays a crucial role in being a whole person. And by honoring the emotional parts of ourselves, we incorporate a wholeness that elevates us to the next level. I have seen many a client become happier when they are able to honor the messages in their emotions.

That’s what I like about geeks. We like something outside the norm and learn about it and become good at it. We follow what interests us. Be damned what others think! Good for us!

Yet, geeks are also influenced and part of culture. So, let’s take it one step further. My gut feeling is that geeks push emotions aside. But what if emotions are our inner compass? What if they are our source code? And lead us down (or up) the path of the inner terrain with discoveries hitherto unknown? Like the self-acceptance that Geordi talks about. He is blind and he has a visor. They are both part of him. Self-acceptance at its finest. And so it is with us. Our emotions are part of the whole of us, worthy of our self-acceptance and the recognition that they are part of the human condition, not a flaw.

Lest you be turning your nose up at emotions, consider this. Studies have shown that patients who have tumors removed that destroy their ability to have feelings, become unable to live a normal life. They cannot make good decisions that affect their career, family, and where to live as well as smaller daily decisions. So, what is going on here? 

According to neurologist Damasio, the “somatic markers” (Goleman, 1995) that assist us in making decisions from mind and gut are missing. When we operate in a computerlike fashion, we are missing one half of our reasoning faculties. Both are critical to problem-solving. So, before we regard emotions as a pain in the ass, something to be set aside, let’s instead experiment with the notion of accepting them as part of the whole and become curious about what information they have for us.

They are part of our source code.

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Goleman, D. (1997). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam.